In Three Words: Never Date Integra
by otakulord89
Summary: When the governers that work with Integra decide she needs to get married, Integra is not very thrilled. But when they give her a packet of profiles of "wrothy" bachelors for Integra, well that just pisses her off so she teams up with the hellsing Members
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has anything to do with Hellsing ranging from any of the characters in Bram Stroker's book Dracula, to the movie "Van Helsing", to most of all of course the manga Hellsing. But if I could own Alucard then my life would be a heck of a lot easier I mean, he would have saved me all the times that people beaten me up and all the times I've gotten in trouble for fighting. Then again he probably wouldn't listen to me unless I, through some strange twist of events became his master then the world wouldn't stand a chance against him or me because I am one pissy little missy.

Integra was sitting at her desk reading her regular incoming messages from members of Hellsing informing her of the ongoing activities of what goes bump in the night a.k.a. vampires and Nazis. When suddenly Walter, her trusty butler and confidant, came in with a pissed off look on his face and it looked as if he had something important to say; but he didn't have the time to say it since the governors walked into her office. The eight men ranged in height and appearance but all sported a serious look and a pinstripe business suit. One by one they took a seat around the conference table in her office and Integra didn't know the meaning of this. After a few minutes one of the governors stood up and said, "Integra, I don't know how to say this but we have all reached a decision," after hearing this Integra blanked out since it sounded as if they were going to fire her as director of Hellsing; but the man continued with, "and we all agreed that if you were to go on working on the field when Hellsing is doing a mission involving Vampires. That it would be for the best if you settled down, got married, and produce an heir or an heiress to the seat of director of Hellsing; but don't worry we made a file of worthy bachelors that you will not kill or beat the living shit out of but of course we cannot guarantee that." Shortly after he said that he passed her a package and left her in a shocked state.

"Well Master, what are you going to do? Are you going to get married just because they say so or are you going to fight against this," said Alucard who materialized right in front of her. Quite frankly she was still shocked but since she always did what was best for Hellsing, and since that was probably for the best she decided to play along with it even though she really didn't like the idea of it.

"Alucard, I don't want to but I have to," said Integra as strong willed as she possibly can but what she really wanted to do was either go to the shooting range or cry her eyes out. But she couldn't keep the tears any longer so she cried and said, "Alucard, I think you're the only one for me, I mean did I just say that out loud."

"Well you did and I heard it too," said Walter, "I don't like the governors' idea either. But the idea of you and Alucard together would leave me scarred because the two of you are bitchy assholes and if you had a kid together then the world would have something else to fear in this world other then Vampires or Nazis."

Alucard just stared at Integra and said, "If someone told me that you would fall for me, when we first met I would've probably laugh at them and then shoot them. But I don't like this dating thing one bit because I don't think there is a man out there that is good enough for you. So why not make the governors wish that they never suggested this in the first place." So Integra, Walter, and Alucard started their plan to make the governors suffer and send each and everyone of those bachelors home crying.

Author's notes

I hope you find this interesting enough to post comments. Plus I need suggestions on how Integra, Walter, and Alucard can scare or freak out a guy enough to stay away from women for good; I have ten so far but I need more.


	2. A complicated Hangover

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of the Hellsing anime or the movie or the book but I wish I did but that will not happen. But then again everyone said Kerry was going to win the election but he did not (DAMN THAT PRESIDENT BUSH!). So hell, I might have a chance of somehow buying the copyright from Kouta Hirano and then I would own Hellsing.

Integra was lying in her four-poster bed with the curtains drawn shut. She had a pounding headache and she could not really remember what happened to her yesterday. She tried to remember for a few minutes after she woke and then all of her memory came back to her like a lost child to his or her parent. She remembered that the governors came to her office and told her that she needed to marry and provide an heir to the seat to the director of Hellsing; but she blanked out after that. Then she looked down to the foot of her bed at which Walter and a strange looking teenage girl was standing. The strange girl looked like a mix of Asian and European ethnicity; she had black hair with a variation of navy blue and burgundy highlights, she wore a pair of emo glasses around her green eyes that were similar to Walter's eyes. She was short and a bit heavier than most girls of her age group were; yet what made her truly peculiar was the fact that she looked ready to receive a scolding.

"Walter, why are you here and why do I have a headache? In addition, who is this girl? " said Integra. "Miss Integra, this is my grand daughter, Kylie, she came here to visit me about three days ago and she has been staying here ever since. Also you have been sleeping for two days with some kind of hangover," said Walter in a manner much like a morning greeting. "Also if you were wondering how you got that hangover; it has to do with Pip. You see you were crying very loudly and that was making everyone in the whole headquarters loose their sleep, so Pip asked me to do something about it. Therefore, I made you a pot of tea and someone must have slipped something into it because after two cups, you were acting a bit more relaxed and after the whole pot, you were a tad bit drunk. But I do suspect that you were not in your right mind from a little before the tea because you had a strange moment that was absolutely out of character for you." said Walter. "Walter, what do you mean 'out of character'?" said Integra. "Well Miss Integra, you cried and you cried a lot," said Walter, looking down to his feet. "Walter, you are not telling the whole truth," said Integra while giving Walter her infamous glare; that made Walter respond right away. "Okay Miss Integra, don't get angry when I say this, promise." However, he was interrupted by Kylie, "You confessed how you felt about Alucard in front of him and Walter. Also, everyone in the security room at the time was witness to it."

Even though it was a week after the incident, Integra was still a bit pissed-off at the fact that everyone now knew that she had a little more than a crush on Alucard. She was also angry with the governors since that all the men in the profiles they gave her were either pretty boys with no smarts, bigheaded man-whores, devout Catholics, wimpy guys from her school days, or even worst a combo of all of the above. However, there was only man who would be an exception to all of the above but he was a Yankee so what were the chances of them hooking up in a romantic manner anyways who would date a guy with a name like Carbon Blanks. Then to top it all off what pissed her off was the fact that she was probably going to marry on of them, unless of course she found her own man. Yet it was rather funny how all the plans for scaring off all the potential suitors, so far with the help of Walter, Kylie, Alucard, Pip, and Seras. She had five different base plans for the five different types of men she was coming across, but for each man she will add some personal strike of fear straight to the guys' heart. Yet the plans were good plans indeed what made her worried was the idea that there would be some men that would remain unfazed by the events that she planned out, but Kylie said that if that happened then Integra could always have some way to play out a bigger plan on the second date. In addition, another thing that seemed to bother her was the fact that Alucard seemed to be smiling and laughing a lot more and well it seemed to her that he was planning something dangerous.

Author's note: Sorry the update took a while and it is a bit hard to read and short. However, I am now being floggered with assignment after assignment in school and I have to deal with psych visits on top of that. Sorry I have not even started Integra on dating yet.


	3. Unfortunate Bachelor 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing in any form; but I do own a Writer's Inc. Handbook, which is helping me master the art of Grammar so that I can soon move into the English course in which I am suppose to take part.

"Kylie would you care to explain why security was breached by a teenage boy whose uncle happens to be a member of Iscariot, this morning," said Integra as she was getting ready for her first date with Bachelor #1 a.k.a. Zack Briggums. Zack Briggums is a member of the Royal Air force and he fell under the category of bigheaded man-whore. "Well Kylie if he is of nothing special to you; we are going to have to send him back to either Rome with his uncle or to his mother in San Francisco. Also there is reason to believe that you two are involved in some way," said Integra as she was taking one last look at Zach's profile and made it a point to play to his fear of dogs and his pet peeve of burping and farting in public.

"Okay I'll talk; Miss Integra, as long as you can promise that he can finish his stay here with the rest of the Youth Diplomacy Group. He was here to visit me because we are best friends turned couple, is that enough for you." said an incredibly flustered Kylie.

"No, not at all as you see he could have been a spy for Iscariot and if Iscariot got a hold of plans to pass security, then that would compromise the safety of all of our members. Not only that, how did he know the placement of all the cameras and torrents in the first place?" asked Integra. "You see as of the fact that you have not suppose to be here for the past two weeks, the fact that you two are romantically involved, and along with the fact that you spent a lot of time in the security room. All of that can be evidence enough to say that you did it; and that can be considered treason."

Kylie was taken aback by Integra words indeed; but she was at the moment more worried about here boyfriend locked up in the detainment area and with that she left to figure out a plan. However, as soon as she left, Alucard came in through the ceiling. "Do you have to be so tough on Kylie? She is only in love. Don't you remember your first boyfriend or the first time you fell in love?" said Alucard with a bit of sarcasm.

"Alucard you know very well that the reason the governors are trying to set me up is because I never had a boyfriend. Also I have to be tough on her because she compromised the safety of all of us," said Integra.

"Heh, so along with that are you telling me you have never fallen in love because from I heard falling in love was one in which you do anything to be with that person. Anyways from what I remember you did go with the same person for all your school dances and formals," said Alucard, who at the moment was trying to get something out of Integra.

"Well Alucard, have you ever fallen in love? Anyways the only reason why I took you was because I did not know any boys that would be in anyway decent dating material and also because it was the only way to insure that I would have protection at those events." said Integra, who was growing more and more impatient with his questions.

"Yes, I have fallen in love. What else can you expect with a couple hundred years in this life? I mean even monsters need someone every once in a while," said Alucard staring at Integra.

Meanwhile in the security room Seras, Pip, and a large amount of the female staff were watching the module that had the view of Integra's room and listening to their conversation. "This would be the perfect moment for Master to kiss Miss Integra," said Seras to Pip and to that Pip and the rest of the people nodded. "Oh my gawd, he's taking a step closer. They might just kiss after all then Integra would not have to go on all these stupid dates," said Pip and along with that all of the women in the room squealed like a fan girl would when Inu-Yasha kissed Kagome.

But sadly the door bell rang; and along with it came Zack Briggums the bigheaded man-whore who was deadly afraid of dogs and hated burping and farting in public. "Alucard, I need you to come with me on this date but you will have to go as a hellhound okay," said Integra and with that Alucard transformed into a hellhound and followed Integra down the stairs to the common room in which Zack was waiting. In the common room, Walter was just finishing his 'eight simple rules for dating my boss/ surrogate daughter' speech with saying rule #8 "You break her heart and I swear I shall break your neck and just about everything attached to you." The speech left Zack shivering in fear but before he got up to greet Integra, Walter came out with a polygraph machine and told him to sit down or else he will have to enforce rule #3 "Follow any orders we give you or else we shall be forced to remove you from any contact with Integra." Soon after that Walter started asking him basic yes or no questions which escalated to embarrassing questions like "Have you ever wet your pants pass the age of 5?" and "Have you ever worn underwear that did not belong to you?" As that was going on Integra was just looking at him, with his combed back black hair to his brown eyes, he was about 5 foot 9 inches; so that meant he was indeed shorter than she was. So after the Polygraph; Zack got up to greet Integra and he took her out to his car. He opened the door to his Land Rover to let Integra to let her in and he closed it and so as he was walking to his door. Integra opened the door to let in Alucard, she pulled him as a hound up onto her lap, and as Zack saw the dog in his care he screamed and ran for it. So Zach ran off for a long time and Integra thought he was not coming back but after 15 minutes late he came back. He asked that the dog stayed at the compound but Integra glared at him until he said it was okay and let the dog stay. Therefore, Zack drove on until they stopped at a nice little restaurant right in the heart of London. There they had dinner, then they were in the middle of some after dinner conversation that was nothing but him bragging about himself and his hate for Emo and Rock music. Which she thought, was annoying and reason enough for her to leave right then because she had a soft spot for Emo and Alternative Rock since she became the leader of Hellsing. But she knew that would be rude so she excused herself to go to the bathroom and as she checked her bag she found a little black box labeled "Fart Machine" and a piece of paper attached to it.

"Dear Miss Integra,

This is a remote control fart machine.

It is activated by car remotes by pressing

any button so have a blast with it.

From, Pip Bernadette

So Integra returned to the table and placed her purse under her chair and she sat down with her car keys in her pocket. She saw that Zach was just staring at Alucard in hound form and he was ready to run but before that can happen she squeezed her car remote the machine activated and it emitted a sound of one's farting. Well after that, the whole place went silent and she took the moment to activate the machine again but the remote jammed and it let of farts for ten minutes straight and the whole time Zack stared at her in horror. Then Zack paid for the check and then he drove Integra and Alucard in dog form to the Hellsing Compound and with that he walked Integra to the door and right before he said good bye, Alucard did the worst thing to happen that whole night and took a crap right there on Zack's shoe. Then Zack got pissed off and tried to kick Alucard, so Alucard took a bite of Zack's leg and took a leg off his Hugo Boss suit and ran off and along with that he dragged him through the shooting range mid-shooting practice for the soldiers. Then Zack grabbed a stick and tried to whack Alucard but he changed from the hound form to that of the giant mass with the hellhound heads coming out of his shoulders and the tons of eyes. So that scared the fuck out of Zack so he ran for his car and drove away without saying goodbye to Integra. Yet all Integra could do was stand by the doorway with a smirk on her face and then Alucard came towards her and all he can do was laugh and then Integra started laughing. The two of them came in the headquarters together and Alucard's hand on Integra's shoulder, but as they came in Walter, Pip, Seras, and Kylie with a boy in the in all black head to toe.

"So I take it the date went well." said Walter, and with that Alucard immediately removed his hand and Integra realized the boy was out of the prison cell. Seras looked like she was going to burst into laughter or fan girl squealing at the sight of the two of them.

"Why is the Prisoner out of the dungeon?" said Integra angrily.

"His name is Scott Anderson; so please stop calling him 'prisoner' or 'that boy'," said Kylie in protest. "Anyways we let him out because he didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay how about this he stays with you at all times? Yet you promise no one from Iscariot will come here okay," said Integra.

"Gee, Integra is willing to compromise so that must mean Integra must have had a good time on the date," whispered Seras to Pip. "I know," replied Pip.

Author's note: I hope this one is better than other chapters; when it comes to the readability and the grammar. Please review!!!


	4. Someone new,

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or anything related to it. I do not own many things actually.

"Hello Sir Hellsing, this is General Fernandez, from A-51-V, I heard that you are in need of help for troops," said the voice from the receiver of Integra's office phone. Integra was talking to this General Fernandez for the first time but she swore that the voice was familiar to her. Integra answered, "Yes we do but I think we are doing well with the group we hired for now." Of course, did not want any American soldiers to work with her army but lately willing soldiers are harder to come by, and Hellsing could use all the help they could get thanks to the rise in vampire activity. General Fernandez replied, "Very well they are coming today at 14:00 hours and I will be escorting them, and may I talk to whoever is in charge of the electronics in your house, please?" "Very well, you may talk to him," said to Integra as she beckoned Walter to the phone.

"Hello General Fernandez, what would you like?" said Walter, as he watched Integra leave her office to get ready for her date. "Walter is Integra out of earshot?" asked the general. "Yes, she is on her way to her room right now," said Walter. "Good, so did your granddaughter make it into the ranks of Hellsing." asked the general in a matter-of-fact voice. "Yes, your daughter did make it in as a soldier," said Walter. "That's good, and thanks dad for letting her stay with you after that attack on her and her friends, because right now the U.S. government is on our asses trying to find her; sadly this only proves how crappy our detectives are," said General on what was obviously a cell phone.

Meanwhile, Integra was reading the profile of Sean Mc Fadden, who fell under the category of devout Catholic, but along with that, he was young. He was eighteen years old and fresh out of an American high school; he was on the list because he was one of the governor's nephews. Integra looked at his picture, which showed him as good-looking, but at the same time obviously a metrosexual. His dislikes included monkeys (which Integra thought was weird), magicians (which she thought was even weirder), and Birthday cake (now it seemed like he had some bad experience at a birthday party which occurred in a zoo). He came from San Francisco, so maybe Kylie knew him; and at that moment, there was a knock on the door. "Hello, Sir Integra, I have some interesting news about your date tonight, of which we can easily terrorize this Sean with a bit of a flash from the past," said Kylie, with a smirk. "Okay go to the café across from Metropolitan Museum and Sean's obsessive- compulsive ex-boy...err I mean girlfriend will be there. After going there let him go get the coffees, while you will supposedly be in the bathroom and from there just watch the events disclose themselves and if all else fails, I can finish the job. I can finish the job rather easily ever since he came to my fifth birthday party at the zoo, where a magician accidentally made all the monkeys run loose, and they all went straight for Sean and his birthday cake. He ended up with some many scratches and stitches from that attack." she said the last part with a laugh. Integra took in the plan and the story with a smirk, which left her with one question, "How obsessed is this ex of his?" Kylie laughed "Oh Sean and all of his nuclear and a majority of his extended family have a restraining order on her, and her family all still think that Sean and Emily will marry."

Kylie left the room to get ready for the General's visit and as soon as she was out of ear range, Alucard came from the ceiling; "Integra, you never did answer my question?" Integra stared at him was ready to kick him out because he did come at an inconvenient moment, "Which question?" Alucard smiled at the Integra who still happened to be in her underwear, "You know the question of which I speak." Integra did know but she still did not want to tell him. "It's funny how you seem to have forgotten that I can read your mind and you know what question I am speaking of, so why don't you answer?" said Alucard as he took another step towards her while grinning his infamous grin. Meanwhile the security room was a field day for the female staff of the manor because it looked like, Integra and Alucard would finally "hook-up," and they were all squealing rather loudly much like a pack of rabid fan girls. Integra was wondering what Alucard was thinking and what his next move would be, of course, it was rather scary considering what Alucard could do, but she tried her best to not make it look obvious. "Alucard, what is that annoying sound?" said Integra, as she stepped away from a clearly disappointed Alucard. Alucard responded, "I believe it is coming from the air duct." Integra recognized the sound, "I haven't heard that many girls in one area squeal since I saw "Love Actually' with a bunch of over obsessed Harry Potter fangirls but where it is coming from I can only guess. Alucard go check the security room to see if they know anything about that sound," and with that, Alucard started walking towards the security room. With that Scott, Seras, and Pip, stood up and yelled in unison, "Get your asses out of here now!" and all of them ran for various closets and the under belly of many desks and tables. Alucard opened the door, "What do you three think your doing?" Scott answered this first, "Oh we were bored, and well um… um… RUN!" and with that, all of the staff came from their hiding places and they hauled ass as fast as they could out of the door.

The door rang just at the moment Integra finished dressing, Walter opened the door while Integra watched from the second floor. It was of all people, Integra's old governess, Mrs. Kimberly Fernandez; Integra thought it could be possible that General Fernandez and Mrs. Fernandez were married, so she walked down. "Hello Sir Integra, the team will be coming shortly because they decided to bring their own car," said Mrs. Fernandez. "Hello Mrs. Fernandez," said Integra. "Sir Integra it is not Mrs. Fernandez it is General Fernandez, back when I was your governess I was only a Lieutenant and anyways would Lt. Fernandez sound normal to you in a school setting it would have been awkward so I'm General Fernandez." Integra had one of those WTF moments but no one would know it by the look on her face.

Meanwhile in the security room, "Scott tell me what was going on and I might consider sparing your life," said a rather pissed-off Alucard. Scott replied with his best imitation of an angst filled prep, "What?" followed by the classic teenage response of the sigh-eye roll combo. He followed that act up with turning away from Alucard and in his perfect imitation of Napoleon Dynamite, he said, "Idiot, Gosh!" Alucard who was still pissed pulled out his gun, pointed it to the back of Scott's head, and said, "What did you call me?" Scott repeated his performance of "Idiot, Gosh!" and Alucard couldn't resist, he pulled the trigger. Scott staggered and fell to the ground dramatically, Alucard walked away a little bit happier. "Hey Idiot!" Alucard turned around to see a fully functioning Scott, "Hahaha You responded. You're an idiot." Alucard first thought "How can a boy be that immature?" and his second was "He's a regenerator!"

Integra was sitting in the common room with General Fernandez, when the door bell rang once again, and a few minutes later there standing in her common room stood what seemed to be a group of the most unlikely teenagers in one group that she has ever seen. One seemed to be a total prep while the rest had the rather regular garb of emos, punks, and non-conformists. "General Fernandez, shall we introduce ourselves?" asked a boy with black hair with red streaks. "No; you shall wait for your proper commander to come," responded the General, "and just my luck she just came down." The General was staring at Kylie, "so are you going to introduce your cadets, Katherine." Kylie looked at the five and smiled, "These are my cadets, they come from all over to protect the US citizens against all the impure souls of the living undead that try to defy our laws. I am Lt. Katherine "Kylie" Fernandez Donnellez from San Francisco and I am their leader." Integra was confused, "Why do you go by "Kylie" and are you related to General Fernandez?" Kylie looked at Integra like the answer was obvious, "Well, "Katherine" is overused and boring and der! we are related she is my mom after all isn't it obvious!" Integra looked at General Fernandez and then to Kylie, "No it isn't, please explain later."

The boy with black hair with red streaks stepped forward and salute Integra, the lieutenant, and general Fernandez, "I am Michael Montgomery; I am in charge of Technology and weaponry," with a voice that seemed to be well passed puberty. He wore a pair of black cargo pants, a black shit that said, "The Beatles" and a camouflaged photographer's vest but to top it off his neck was adorned with a silver cross. Michael looked confused and turned to boy on his left, the boy appeared to be sleeping, and Michael punched him on the shoulder. The boy was short with blond hair, he was wearing black from head to toe and had a messenger's pack across his back that said, "Deliverer of Peace." The boy jolted awake and said, "I am Ben Anderson; I am in charge of navigation and transportation. Anyways I am Scott's little brother," he said that with a rather childish voice that suggested he was rather young. "How old are you?" asked Integra, "Also Kylie, where is Scott after all remember the deal?" Ben piped up, "I am eleven years old but trust me I am capable, I was just sleepy because these guys made me do all the driving and flying," pointing at the rest while saying that last part. Kylie looked around then her eyes rested at the top of the stairs. "Hello Scott, nice to see you come at long last."

Scott was dangling over the rail because Alucard was grabbing him by the ankles. Scott was also trying to gnaw off his own leg ( I rather not write that down so use your imaginations) which of course looked disturbing; but Alucard did not care. "Mr. Alucard and Scott do I even want to know what you two are doing? But if it is what" said Kylie with a smirk on her face. Alucard replied, "This little puppy, is a regenerator and was caught in the security room with a few other employees doing some suspicious business." Integra looked at Alucard and asked, "What kind of business?" Scott who was still dangling upside down replied, "Well what do you expect? There are many hot chicks here and many security cams so why not use it to a perverted boy's advantage." Kylie punched the dangling Scott with such force that he was free at last from Placard's grip. Scott reformed on the ground. "I'm kidding, I was there because almost all of the house staff here have bets on who you are going to fall in love with first, and we are all doing it from the security room."

Integra looked at Scott in a irritated way and said, "What is the best odds?" Scott laughed and replied, "Promise you won't kill me when I say this," Integra nodded "yes" "Alucard with 85 chance of happening." Walter who was standing nearby whispered something into one of the staff's ears and the staff member gave him a bit of money. Integra didn't know what to be more angry about, her staff betting on her love life or the fact that a majority of them think Alucard and her would make a cute couple.

"I think we should go on with the introductions," said Kylie. With that two girls in matching outfits took a step forward, "I'm Aya. I'm Maka. And we're a bunch of bakas. This may come as a shock'ya. But we work for the ranks of A-51; the government let us hold a frikkin' gun. But they took it away after we shot a nun; and that's the end of our story hun'." Integra stared and shuddered because the two girls seemed to do everything in unison and well that was a bit creepy. "Well these two girls are Arian and Maria and well they are in charge of going into the front lines because well..," Kylie lowered her voice, "they are geniuses with an apparent loss of all sanity and they have an incredible known kill rate of 95, so they are worth keeping around." Aya and Maka said at the same time , "I heard that and we are not crazy; we just a little unwell." Integra thought, "well maybe it is their ability to annoy people that makes them such killing machines." A blond girl in a pink and white polo, stepped forward and said, "I am Felicity Maxwell. I am in charge of inter-organization relations between A-51 and Iscariot. We rarely get our way with them though because my brother is an idiot. He is a pretty boy virgin of an idiot. He is a fucking idiot that does not fuck. He is…" Felicity was cut off by Kylie, "We all know your brother is an idiot of many definitions. As a matter of fact he is so incompetent, that his organization will fall unless he gets help from one of the best European agencies and that is why we are here. We think that since a majority of Iscariot's main players would rather work for you, Integra, than dear old fart brain Enrico. You would be the best for the job to take over after Enrico "quits" but it will only be temporary, because you will just have to wait till the next in line for the Head of Iscariot is a priest; so that he can take over." Integra stared and said, "Why me?" General Fernandez smiled and replied, "You know when to attack and when not to attack. You let the vampires prove their innocence before you execute. You above all know your priorities. These are all things that are lacking in Enrico. Of course, even though I know I don't have to ask but I would like you to be quiet about this though."

Then the door bell rang again and Walter went to get it, it was Sean, he was wearing a Hugo Boss suit. With his appearance, Kylie pushed all of her cadets and the General into another room, while Integra went to the Common room. "So who's Sir Integral's hot date?" asked Michael with a smile. "Sean Mc Fadden, I believe you and Scott known him for quite some time," said Kylie with a raised eyebrow at the two oldest boys. "You mean Mr. Only-Male-Cheerleader-that-was-not-perverted," said Ben, "I knew him in STM." Kylie replied, "We all knew him from STM except for Maka, Aya, and Felicity, but maybe you knew him from tri-school musicals. He certainly did a lot of musical theater," she said the last part with a shudder. "Isn't Emily going to a university in London?" asked Michael, "Because if she is I have a brilliant idea!" Kylie smirked, "Oh she is and guess who is going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Walter surveyed the physique of the nineteen year old, who was tall and well built with dark brown eyes and fair skin. "So I have some ground rules for dating Integra. Number one, you break her heart; I break off your fifth limb. Number two, NO sex, because between you two it may just be statutory in the state of your residence. Number three, um... Okay forget the rules how about this I will follow you around with a few of her troops and any actions that I deem offensive will get you killed. So watch your back and not her ass or any part of her body for that matter. Do you understand?" Walter said that with a lot of authority and Sean shuddered as if the room got a lot colder. Integra came in with Alucard once again in dog form. "Well hello Sean, so it seems like you have met my friend Walter. Walter, I hope you are being nice to him." Sean turned around to look at Walter who gave him a short peak at his microfilament wires, "Oh Sean and I have been having a blast," said Walter with a smirk. "But before I forget, Integra, shall we give him his lie detector test?" Integra nodded, indicating yes. Sean took a step closer to pet Alucard, "Oh I love dogs; this one is adorable and looks like the kind to be loyal and protects his master...OH FUCK!" Sean fell on his butt as Alucard tightly clamped his jaw on Sean's big hands. Sean almost kicked Alucard but restrained himself; but he started screaming like a little girl when he saw who was in the hallway. It was Kylie.

"Um Mr. Walter can I please be the one to set up and perform the polygraph test for Mr. Sean?" said Kylie with a smile. "Yes, yes you may Kylie," replied a surprised Walter. Kylie got up pushed Sean into the nearest armchair and applied all the detectors to the right places and started off with questions about him and the usual questions to the embaressing questions, "Sean, do you fear any particular zoo animals?" Sean answered, "That I believe you have the answer to, Shorty." Kylie got angry and screamed, "ONLY YES AND NO ANSWERS; BRITTIBEAR! Have you ever been engaged to another girl?" "Shorty once again you know the answer to that," said Sean as he quickly got up. Kylie got angry and kicked him in the crotch and Sean was down on the floor twice as fast as it took for him to get up, "Brittibear; I am not short and I swear I will give you even more hell then you can ever imagine if you say otherwise. Walter then gave him a pat down to see if there were any concealed weapons, and then slapped his ass, "This one is clean, he can go." Sean laid still on the floor as if he could not move. Alucard came up to Sean's inanimate body in his dog form, well he couldn't resist, and he took a piss on Sean's shoe.

Kylie came up, grabbed Sean by the back of his shirt, and pulled him up to his knees, "That is why no one calls me short any more." Sean finally got up, went to his car, and opened the door for Integra; while Walter, Kylie, General Fernandez, Pip, Seras, Alucard, and the Cadets crammed into two different cars. One was a black Chevy Suburban which Walter could only guess was the car that Cadets owned and the other was the regular Rolls Royce that Integra usually went around in. As Walter turned on the engine the R/C turned on with the voice of a young boy, "Mister Walter, this is Ben of A-51 we will follow your car to the location of the date, I hope you don't mind that.

Sean asked Integra where she wanted to go to and she said, "I would like to go to this little café I like that is across from the Metropolitan Museum. I rather like the tea there." Sean smiled and said, "Okay Sir Integra, if you wish." Soon after they were at the café and he opened the door for Integra. Yet as soon as they got in, a girl around the age of nineteen with fair skin and platinum blond hair and a fur coat popped up and with a look of a fanatic said, "Oh my dearest love, Brittibear has finally come back, isn't that right Bella," she said the last part to her toy poodle in her purse. Sean looked at her with a look of deep disturbance and disgust and soon pulled out a paper from a badge around his neck, "YOU ARE IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER ISSUED TO YOU IN February OF 1999 I AM ALLOWED TO TAKE DEADLY FORCE IF YOU COME CLOSER." He waived a piece of paper around and soon took out a stun gun afterwards. The girl took a step back and said "it has been six long years since I have seen my dear lover. Oh why won't you love me? Don't you love your Emily, Brittibear," yet as she came closer again Integra notice that there was something not human about this girl because as she came closer her face showed classic signs of vampirism. Integra pushed Sean to the side as she pulled out her Desert Eagle hand gun with silver bullets, but before she can even cock the gun. Emily was all over Sean, and it looked like the stun gun was taking no effect. Then suddenly a blinding light from two cars came, the Suburban stopped with in a few inches of the struggle between Emily and Sean and a hand came from the car and three rounds were fired in to Emily's head and torso. Soon after that a fine dust of what use to be Emily flew away in the wind. Sean had wet his pants, "Er um Integra I am sorry but I don't think I can ever see you again," with that he ran off. Felicity came out and said, "Ashes to Ashes, Dust from Dust. This what you are and what you shall remain," with her hand still wrapped around the gun. "I'm sorry about that but that was Emily Preston, new vampire, she was turned about a week ago and during that time there was a string of deaths to which she was responsible so we had to kill her before she became a problem here. Anyways, he wouldn't be that great of a date because he is a bit of a wimp."

Alucard came out from the Rolls Royce, "Master are you alright?" Integra looked at him and said, "Yes, after all it was only a minor vampire I could have taken care of it in a matter of seconds. I just didn't because I wanted to get Sean to scream, but I think it would have taken a few more seconds but that doesn't matter I think he is officially scared of me." Alucard was about to say something but was interrupted by Walter, "Integra, you don't mind spending the evening with Alucard, because I think Pip, Seras and I shall take the new recruits around London." With that Ben stepped on the gas leaving Integra, Alucard, and the Rolls Royce alone in front of a café full of startled customers. Integra looked at Alucard, "Do you want to go anywhere?" he asked her with a smile. "Let's just go to drive around," said Integra as she and Alucard got into the car.

Ben was at the wheel, "So Kylie, did you put the camera into the dashboard?" he asked with a smile. "I didn't Michael did. So do you think we will catch any action between Alucard and Integra?" Pip answered, "Of course, we will after all they think they are alone, and after all the moon and the stars are all out, so how could they resist." Walter then said, "I think tomorrow morning will be a good pay day for all of us who said that she will turn to Alucard only after her second date with a man from the list."

Integra eventually parked the car on the bank of the river Thames; after a few hours of driving and after picking up a bunch of junk food from a convenience store. "I haven't even thought of eating potato chips, ice cream, and chocolate in the same day since I was 14 and I had my first report to the Round Table due," said Integra with a smile. Alucard gave his infamous smile and said, "I think I remember why you haven't done that again till now," he followed that up with faking a bunch of facial ticks. "Alucard that is not at all funny," said Integra as they got out of the car and sat on a nearby bench, "I didn't know having that much sugar would have caused my body to break into tremors." Integra looked at Alucard who was slurping on a slurpie, "I thought you had white cherry slurpie," she said pointing at the obviously red slurpie. "Integra what do you think it is?" said Alucard, "Along with that, do you have an answer for my question from earlier." Integra stopped chewing on her Mars bar mid bite, "Yes, I have an answer. Yes, I have fallen in love. But that was a long time ago when I was 17, and he was my date to all my dances in secondary school." Alucard smirked, because after all it was him who went as her date for all of her dances, "Do you still love him?"

Integra looked at Alucard and said, "Yes, I still love him." Meanwhile in the security room, Seras and a majority of the female staff of Hellsing were cheering on Integra and Alucard, while the male population was paying Walter for his bet because he won. Yet Integra said something that stopped the celebrating, "But I can't be with you, Alucard. You know my duty will get in the way and you know what my mission is, I hope you understand." Alucard looked at her, "I was expecting that, but you know it is your decision. I can wait for a long time; after all, I have an eternity to live." A majority of the female staff had tears building up at Alucard's very OOC line, and Walter had a crestfallen look because all the men started to call back the bets from him. Integra left the food next to a sleeping homeless man and got into the car with Alucard. "Alucard, I'm sorry, I really am but you know I have to provide an heir or heiress in order for Hellsing Organization to go on." Alucard looked at Integra, "You do know you won't need an Heir or an Heiress if you became a vampire and it would take a few years for them to figure it out." Integra took out her Desert Eagle and signaled to Alucard to stay quiet, and she smashed a part of the dashboard and she shot of the hood ornament, "They were video cameras and microphones." Alucard and Integra shared a laugh, "So are you actually taking on my offer?" said Alucard. Integra smirked, "No, not yet, we will just have a little bit of fun tonight." Alucard had one of those strange wide-eyed moments, Integra noticed, "NO Alucard not that kind of fun, I mean let's just go and do something totally unexpected from the two of us." Alucard laughed, "But Integra that would be unexpected from the two of us." But Alucard stopped persisting, because Integra gave him the stare. "So where are we going Integra?" Integra smiled, "Tonight is a very beautiful night." Of course, now the headquaters was in a bit of a panic, because they had no idea what Integra or Alucard was planning, that was until they received a radio call from Integra, "Don't worry we won't do anything illegal." Yet that only made them a bit more nervous.

Author's note: Sorry it took so long because well I have had a lot of school work and a lot of college searching and permit receiving to do. Then after I finished the original chapter the disk on which it was stored was stolen. So I had to do it again. So once again sorry for the delay.


End file.
